I parked my car in the driveway and then I cried. For a good five minutes. Had I not been worried about the neighbors seeing I could have stayed for a good while more.
It reminded me of my first day on my own in San Diego, actually. After I dropped off the Captain at the airport that day, I sat in my apartment and I cried. For an hour. After that hour I mopped myself up and shook off my fear. I was ready for my summer on my own, I told myself, and it was time to get moving.
And a whole lot of moving there was. I simply cannot believe it is all over; there was so much life crammed into these twelve brief weeks. I made friends with people from all walks of life, I became enamored with a whole new area of law, I learned to surf. I began considering the partner track as a viable career option, and I fell in love with a part of the country of which I had been extremely skeptical. Put simply, I grew.
Growing is hard. So that's why I cried.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Friday, August 10, 2007
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Right back where I started from
After tomorrow, my adventure as a pretend attorney will be over; Summer Associate Summer Camp has come to a close. Just like any camper, I was homesick at the start, but now I am dreading my departure and trying not to cry.
And failing.
And failing.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Winding down
I'm on to my last week, and I'm trying to avoid the idea of leaving. All summer I have been diligent about crossing off the days on my calendar, but lately I have been loathe to do it. All summer I have regularly updated this blog as a way of marking the time, but lately I have had less to say. By documenting my days, I acknowledge that they are complete, and that the summer soon will be over. I miss my friends and my family terribly, but also I have grown to care about my work and my people here.
I suppose it's true that we never know what we have until it's gone.
Or maybe this is merely another example of my reveling in sadness. That's what the Abstract Concept would say, anyway.
I suppose it's true that we never know what we have until it's gone.
Or maybe this is merely another example of my reveling in sadness. That's what the Abstract Concept would say, anyway.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Ocean
They lay it on thick here in southern California.
On Tuesday the Summers went kayaking at La Jolla Cove, where the water was so warm and so blue I could have melted into it. An intrepid Partner and his wife took us kayaking at sunset, when the sunlight leapt across the ocean. We paddled up to a pod of sea lions and witnessed other wildlife from afar. The water was still enough for rank beginners such as I not to feel afraid but to feel like we were experts. We paddled about the cove for about an hour and half, and when it was time to head back in, my partner and I rode a wave right back to shore. Rockin'.
Afterwards, we settled into a local restaurant where we racked up enough points on the Partner's credit card to fund his next round-trip flight home to the midwest. Better than the food, though, was the fellowship. We're nine weeks into our summer program, and we've grown together. We talked, we laughed, and we felt completely comfortable. Of course, Offers always are at the back of our minds, but each of us has come to know an exceptional group of people, and for that I am especially grateful. I expected to be friendly with my co-workers, but I never expected to be their friend.
On Tuesday the Summers went kayaking at La Jolla Cove, where the water was so warm and so blue I could have melted into it. An intrepid Partner and his wife took us kayaking at sunset, when the sunlight leapt across the ocean. We paddled up to a pod of sea lions and witnessed other wildlife from afar. The water was still enough for rank beginners such as I not to feel afraid but to feel like we were experts. We paddled about the cove for about an hour and half, and when it was time to head back in, my partner and I rode a wave right back to shore. Rockin'.
Afterwards, we settled into a local restaurant where we racked up enough points on the Partner's credit card to fund his next round-trip flight home to the midwest. Better than the food, though, was the fellowship. We're nine weeks into our summer program, and we've grown together. We talked, we laughed, and we felt completely comfortable. Of course, Offers always are at the back of our minds, but each of us has come to know an exceptional group of people, and for that I am especially grateful. I expected to be friendly with my co-workers, but I never expected to be their friend.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Run for Dessert
My horse came in last.
But he was my horse, that was clear. With a name like "Run for Dessert," even Summer Associates who've known me only a matter of weeks knew that that was colt for me.
Which makes me wonder, have I embraced too tightly my reputation as a homing beacon for dessert? No one wants to be The One Who Always Knows Where the Food Is. Thing is, I do always know where the food is.
My talent can be uncanny. When my family vacationed in Prague, a city in which I never had set foot, I directed my parents and sister, sans guidebook or recommendation, to a place that served the most delectable cakes and strudels. Granted, every tourist place in Prague serves cakes and strudels, but this place stood out. The coffee was especially good, and the ambience particularly charming. Even the bathroom was nice - the only 'A' bathroom we found, and we had used quite a few. Until Prague, I had thought my memory for dessert was limited only to cities in which I had lived. Wrong.
Of course, loving dessert has its upsides. The Captain got a second date even before we went on our first date because he told me our first date included ice cream-stuffed cupcakes. And see how well that's turned out.
But he was my horse, that was clear. With a name like "Run for Dessert," even Summer Associates who've known me only a matter of weeks knew that that was colt for me.
Which makes me wonder, have I embraced too tightly my reputation as a homing beacon for dessert? No one wants to be The One Who Always Knows Where the Food Is. Thing is, I do always know where the food is.
My talent can be uncanny. When my family vacationed in Prague, a city in which I never had set foot, I directed my parents and sister, sans guidebook or recommendation, to a place that served the most delectable cakes and strudels. Granted, every tourist place in Prague serves cakes and strudels, but this place stood out. The coffee was especially good, and the ambience particularly charming. Even the bathroom was nice - the only 'A' bathroom we found, and we had used quite a few. Until Prague, I had thought my memory for dessert was limited only to cities in which I had lived. Wrong.
Of course, loving dessert has its upsides. The Captain got a second date even before we went on our first date because he told me our first date included ice cream-stuffed cupcakes. And see how well that's turned out.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Ridiculousness
I have three weeks left of work, and it's starting to feel like it.
One of the other summer associates, Good Neighbor (so named because he sits next to me), had this to say about the next several weeks:
[T]here are going to be breakfast treats on this floor on three out of the next six work days. I suspect we might also have birthday cake on one of those days. During the next eleven calendar days we have horse races, kayaking, two softball games, a beach party and "Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without, come on, I'm talking to you, come on!" [FN1]
And by the close of business, we added "Dinner at a beachfront condo."
It's good to be a Summer Associate.
-------------
FN1. The lyric refers to the Tears for Fears concert the Summers are attending in two weeks.
One of the other summer associates, Good Neighbor (so named because he sits next to me), had this to say about the next several weeks:
[T]here are going to be breakfast treats on this floor on three out of the next six work days. I suspect we might also have birthday cake on one of those days. During the next eleven calendar days we have horse races, kayaking, two softball games, a beach party and "Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without, come on, I'm talking to you, come on!" [FN1]
And by the close of business, we added "Dinner at a beachfront condo."
It's good to be a Summer Associate.
-------------
FN1. The lyric refers to the Tears for Fears concert the Summers are attending in two weeks.
Friday, July 13, 2007
It's a small world after all
Today I started thinking that perhaps the world is too small.
Part of the appeal in coming to a place where I have no connections is simply that: I have no connections. But in the last week, I have discovered not one, but two, impossible connections that got me thinking that maybe even San Diego isn't far enough away.
The managing partner's daughter
My managing partner's daughter is a reporter at an online newspaper. The daughter's manager is a friend of mine from high school. This is spooky enough, given that the daughter grew up in San Diego and I grew up in the Junction. Spookier still, however, is that this online newspaper is based in New Delhi.
Buyer's counsel
My firm is seller's counsel in a somewhat complicated securities/real estate transaction. Today I discovered that buyer's counsel is my next-door neighbor from my first-year dorm. This is remarkable considering that I attended college in Rhode Island, and I now, might I remind you, LIVE IN SAN DIEGO. I consciously have tried something drastically new, but I keep on getting pulled right back.
So it makes we wonder if my world really is too small. Not in terms of geography, but in terms of networks. My parents gave me the best education they could afford, and I've worked hard to take advantage of those opportunities. But is running into, and dealing with, the same people over and over again really what education is all about? I thought I was supposed to be broadening my horizons.
Edited to add:
For a celebrity's opinion on roughly the same matters, see this thoughtful piece on social networks in this week's SundayBusiness. Apparently, Ben Stein and I are on the same wavelength. How about that.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/15/business/yourmoney/
15every.html?ex=1342152000&en=aa8016d0980e2982&
ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
Part of the appeal in coming to a place where I have no connections is simply that: I have no connections. But in the last week, I have discovered not one, but two, impossible connections that got me thinking that maybe even San Diego isn't far enough away.
The managing partner's daughter
My managing partner's daughter is a reporter at an online newspaper. The daughter's manager is a friend of mine from high school. This is spooky enough, given that the daughter grew up in San Diego and I grew up in the Junction. Spookier still, however, is that this online newspaper is based in New Delhi.
Buyer's counsel
My firm is seller's counsel in a somewhat complicated securities/real estate transaction. Today I discovered that buyer's counsel is my next-door neighbor from my first-year dorm. This is remarkable considering that I attended college in Rhode Island, and I now, might I remind you, LIVE IN SAN DIEGO. I consciously have tried something drastically new, but I keep on getting pulled right back.
So it makes we wonder if my world really is too small. Not in terms of geography, but in terms of networks. My parents gave me the best education they could afford, and I've worked hard to take advantage of those opportunities. But is running into, and dealing with, the same people over and over again really what education is all about? I thought I was supposed to be broadening my horizons.
Edited to add:
For a celebrity's opinion on roughly the same matters, see this thoughtful piece on social networks in this week's SundayBusiness. Apparently, Ben Stein and I are on the same wavelength. How about that.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/15/business/yourmoney/
15every.html?ex=1342152000&en=aa8016d0980e2982&
ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Disoriented
Having a four day week is nice, but having the middle day off is disorienting. Tomorrow is Friday, which is usually my favorite day of the work week, and not because it's the weekend. No, Friday is my favorite day because it's Breakfast Club Friday on the 24th floor, where my office just happens to be. Every Friday morning, someone from the 24th floor brings in breakfast for the entire floor, and boy, do they get competitive. People have brought in their own toasters just so the rest of us can enjoy the maximum flavor of breakfast. This is the kind of competition even a Communist could love.
Thing is, half the reason why Breakfast Club Friday is so great is because by the time we've hit Friday, we've earned it. We break bread together but we also break pressure. We hold at bay the demands of work as we gather for a little bit and share a kind of communion. We chat. We enjoy ourselves. When breakfast comes only the second day after a holiday, though, the meal loses a little bit of its luster. There's something to be said for deserving what you get.
No? Some of you are shaking your heads.
Thing is, half the reason why Breakfast Club Friday is so great is because by the time we've hit Friday, we've earned it. We break bread together but we also break pressure. We hold at bay the demands of work as we gather for a little bit and share a kind of communion. We chat. We enjoy ourselves. When breakfast comes only the second day after a holiday, though, the meal loses a little bit of its luster. There's something to be said for deserving what you get.
No? Some of you are shaking your heads.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Midsummer Day's Dream
Happy Independence Day.
Today not only marks the day, 231 years ago, that a bunch of renegades took government into their own hands, but it also marks the mid-point of my adventure as a pretend attorney. It ought to be all downhill from here.
I have a hunch it's not, though.
Mid-summer review's next week and I can see it now: "Everyone really likes your work, KHC, but you can be a little slow with the memos and, for the love of God, remember to attach your attachments!"
It's also to time to start thinking seriously about whether San Diego is the place for me. And I'm just as surprised as you are. Had you told me six months ago I would be seriously considering a move to San Diego, I would have changed the subject. "East Coast" is written all over me. I subscribe to The New York Times. I carry an L.L. Bean tote bag. I wear pearl studs on my days off. I am a snob. None of these traits is particularly Southern California, and yet I'm enjoying it here. It has its downsides (no fall or winter wardrobe!), but it has so many upsides. Beautiful produce. Delicious fish. Pandas.
Of course, I could be getting ahead of myself. I need to get an offer before I can think about moving, and after Attachment-Gate, who knows about that. In which case, it's time to go look at the resume.
Today not only marks the day, 231 years ago, that a bunch of renegades took government into their own hands, but it also marks the mid-point of my adventure as a pretend attorney. It ought to be all downhill from here.
I have a hunch it's not, though.
Mid-summer review's next week and I can see it now: "Everyone really likes your work, KHC, but you can be a little slow with the memos and, for the love of God, remember to attach your attachments!"
It's also to time to start thinking seriously about whether San Diego is the place for me. And I'm just as surprised as you are. Had you told me six months ago I would be seriously considering a move to San Diego, I would have changed the subject. "East Coast" is written all over me. I subscribe to The New York Times. I carry an L.L. Bean tote bag. I wear pearl studs on my days off. I am a snob. None of these traits is particularly Southern California, and yet I'm enjoying it here. It has its downsides (no fall or winter wardrobe!), but it has so many upsides. Beautiful produce. Delicious fish. Pandas.
Of course, I could be getting ahead of myself. I need to get an offer before I can think about moving, and after Attachment-Gate, who knows about that. In which case, it's time to go look at the resume.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Bring it on
Whatever the work week brings, I am rested and I am ready. I am ready to work and to bill. I am ready to Contribute Something Interesting to the Discussion for the three-billionth time this summer. Yahoo.
I can't say enough about getting a good night's sleep, several nights in a row. It's better than ice cream. I should do it more often.
It all began Friday night, when San Diego Gas & Electric turned off my power. Even though I knew it was coming, there was something very final about "lights out" at 10pm. There was nothing to do but go to bed. It rocked. San Diego Gas & Electric should shut off my lights at 10pm every night. But only my lights, because I wouldn't want the food in the fridge to go bad.
Then on Saturday, I declined a social invitation. To an event I actually would have enjoyed. Whenever have I done that before? And this morning, I went back to crazy leftist South Park for breakfast at the Big Kitchen. God bless crazy leftists. They feed my soul.
I think my serenity was catching. On Saturday, I had lunch at a French bistro where the owner gave me an enormous oatmeal chocolate cookie for free. Later on, I stopped by See's Candies [FN1] where they gave me not one, but two, free samples.
Calories don't count when they're gifted to you.
-----
FN1. For the uninitiated, See's Candies is one of the most delicious reasons to live in California. Ask the Captain, he knows.
I can't say enough about getting a good night's sleep, several nights in a row. It's better than ice cream. I should do it more often.
It all began Friday night, when San Diego Gas & Electric turned off my power. Even though I knew it was coming, there was something very final about "lights out" at 10pm. There was nothing to do but go to bed. It rocked. San Diego Gas & Electric should shut off my lights at 10pm every night. But only my lights, because I wouldn't want the food in the fridge to go bad.
Then on Saturday, I declined a social invitation. To an event I actually would have enjoyed. Whenever have I done that before? And this morning, I went back to crazy leftist South Park for breakfast at the Big Kitchen. God bless crazy leftists. They feed my soul.
I think my serenity was catching. On Saturday, I had lunch at a French bistro where the owner gave me an enormous oatmeal chocolate cookie for free. Later on, I stopped by See's Candies [FN1] where they gave me not one, but two, free samples.
Calories don't count when they're gifted to you.
-----
FN1. For the uninitiated, See's Candies is one of the most delicious reasons to live in California. Ask the Captain, he knows.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Food
I heard somewhere that when it comes to food, humans are wired to eat whatever they see.
Or maybe that was just my own brain telling me to eat that slice of cheesecake that was laid out so conveniently at the Sox game tonight.
As many of you know, being a Summer Associate involves a good amount of eating. If someone were to ask me to describe my summer experience, I'd start by describing lunch. Then I'd talk about the firm's various social events, where food and drink are in great supply. And then, if I still had time, I might talk a little about the work that I do. (And, I do, in fact, work. I promise.) But eating is the dominant activity, and despite my better efforts, I have yielded to temptation more often than I'd like. Which is always. I don't order dessert at lunch, but when it's laid out for me, on a plate, with a fork next to it...game over.
I have struggled with body image my entire life. In fourth grade, I wished I were as thin as Lauren, the thinnest girl in my class. You'll note that I don't write that I've struggled with my weight, but my body image. That means that even when I was skinny, as I have been for most of my life, I didn't know it.
Then came college and bad food. I put on a lot of weight, but thanks to my Rah-rah-WOMEN!! experience at Brown, I tried to ignore it. Enlightened women, especially Brown women, were not supposed to be vulnerable to such silly pressures as the pressure to be thin. We were supposed to win everyone over with our intellect. Problem was, I didn't understand that the dining room was also a place to show off my smarts, because eating that third piece of cake is actually very dumb.
Now that I'm in the land of Fat, Sugar, and Other Carbs, I sometimes dread my social events because I know so much food will be on hand and I'll want to eat it. The last several times I have fallen prey to food-lust, [FN1] I've gone to the gym the next day and worked out especially hard. That's no good, either, because my joints and my tendons can't handle all my guilt.
And so I'm back to fourth grade, and wishing I were like Lauren.
-------
FN1. It's not hunger. I'm talking about when my stomach is full but still I want more.
Or maybe that was just my own brain telling me to eat that slice of cheesecake that was laid out so conveniently at the Sox game tonight.
As many of you know, being a Summer Associate involves a good amount of eating. If someone were to ask me to describe my summer experience, I'd start by describing lunch. Then I'd talk about the firm's various social events, where food and drink are in great supply. And then, if I still had time, I might talk a little about the work that I do. (And, I do, in fact, work. I promise.) But eating is the dominant activity, and despite my better efforts, I have yielded to temptation more often than I'd like. Which is always. I don't order dessert at lunch, but when it's laid out for me, on a plate, with a fork next to it...game over.
I have struggled with body image my entire life. In fourth grade, I wished I were as thin as Lauren, the thinnest girl in my class. You'll note that I don't write that I've struggled with my weight, but my body image. That means that even when I was skinny, as I have been for most of my life, I didn't know it.
Then came college and bad food. I put on a lot of weight, but thanks to my Rah-rah-WOMEN!! experience at Brown, I tried to ignore it. Enlightened women, especially Brown women, were not supposed to be vulnerable to such silly pressures as the pressure to be thin. We were supposed to win everyone over with our intellect. Problem was, I didn't understand that the dining room was also a place to show off my smarts, because eating that third piece of cake is actually very dumb.
Now that I'm in the land of Fat, Sugar, and Other Carbs, I sometimes dread my social events because I know so much food will be on hand and I'll want to eat it. The last several times I have fallen prey to food-lust, [FN1] I've gone to the gym the next day and worked out especially hard. That's no good, either, because my joints and my tendons can't handle all my guilt.
And so I'm back to fourth grade, and wishing I were like Lauren.
-------
FN1. It's not hunger. I'm talking about when my stomach is full but still I want more.
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