Food

I heard somewhere that when it comes to food, humans are wired to eat whatever they see.

Or maybe that was just my own brain telling me to eat that slice of cheesecake that was laid out so conveniently at the Sox game tonight.

As many of you know, being a Summer Associate involves a good amount of eating. If someone were to ask me to describe my summer experience, I'd start by describing lunch. Then I'd talk about the firm's various social events, where food and drink are in great supply. And then, if I still had time, I might talk a little about the work that I do. (And, I do, in fact, work. I promise.) But eating is the dominant activity, and despite my better efforts, I have yielded to temptation more often than I'd like. Which is always. I don't order dessert at lunch, but when it's laid out for me, on a plate, with a fork next to it...game over.

I have struggled with body image my entire life. In fourth grade, I wished I were as thin as Lauren, the thinnest girl in my class. You'll note that I don't write that I've struggled with my weight, but my body image. That means that even when I was skinny, as I have been for most of my life, I didn't know it.

Then came college and bad food. I put on a lot of weight, but thanks to my Rah-rah-WOMEN!! experience at Brown, I tried to ignore it. Enlightened women, especially Brown women, were not supposed to be vulnerable to such silly pressures as the pressure to be thin. We were supposed to win everyone over with our intellect. Problem was, I didn't understand that the dining room was also a place to show off my smarts, because eating that third piece of cake is actually very dumb.

Now that I'm in the land of Fat, Sugar, and Other Carbs, I sometimes dread my social events because I know so much food will be on hand and I'll want to eat it. The last several times I have fallen prey to food-lust, [FN1] I've gone to the gym the next day and worked out especially hard. That's no good, either, because my joints and my tendons can't handle all my guilt.

And so I'm back to fourth grade, and wishing I were like Lauren.

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FN1. It's not hunger. I'm talking about when my stomach is full but still I want more.